EG11 Freshman Computer Composition
Peer Review
Title
of Essay: Passion Essay #2- Weight Lifting
Author's
Name: Andrew Gensinger
Reviewer's
Name: Renee Powers-Ficarra
1.
What did you like best about this essay?
It shows that the author is passionate about "working out" and is inspiring.
2. How
interesting is the introduction? Does it make you want to continue to read the
paper? Why or why not?
The introduction makes you want to read on to see what changes occurred in this person's life to influence his views on staying in shape.
3.
What is the thesis statement? Does the author need to make the thesis clearer?
The main idea of the essay is stated by the author in the introduction -"a large part of my life is devoted to working out and staying fit"
4.
Where in the essay could the author better develop his/her ideas by using
examples, comparison-contrast, or cause and effect?
The author could have given some details on the routine that he follows that has caused him to gain such gratifying results.
5. Is
each paragraph in the essay unified? Or do some of the paragraphs contain
irrelevant
Sentences
or words that need to be omitted, or added?
In the second paragraph states the following " If I am in the middle of working out, and I feel like quitting it is just another reason for me not to", I feel the author could have added the words " Due to this" before he started with the "if" so the thought he is expressing is more clearly connected to the prior sentence, which he is trying to refer to.
6.
What paragraphs in the draft, if any, do not support the thesis and need to be
omitted?
All
paragraphs seem to be relevant.
7. Is
there a place in the essay where the writing confused you? How can the author
better clarify his/her thoughts?
The first sentence of the essay, which I believe is referring to the title, should have begun with a clearer statement than "with that said". If he is referring to the title of Weightlifting, then he should have incorporated it in the introduction.
8. How
clear is the purpose of the essay? How well has the author met the needs of
his/her audience?
The
purpose of the essay is clear; author has expressed a positive message to the
audience that staying in shape is beneficial.
9. How
effective is the ending? Is the essay ended in such a way that you know it is
the end?
The author clearly concludes the essay with his opinion, based on his personal experience and views of staying in shape.
10.
What did the author do extremely well?
He
expressed his views, and feelings based on first hand, personal experiences. (Not
just opinion)
11.
What could the author do better next time?
I would suggest a spell check and final proof reading to assure accuracy of assignment.
12. Has the author made all the arguments for this assignment?
Yes, he feels strongly about "working out" and gives reasons for why he feels this way.