EG11 Freshman Computer Composition
Peer Review
Title
of Essay: Passion Essay #1
Author's
Name: Andrew Gensinger
Reviewer's
Name: Renee Powers-Ficarra
1.
What did you like best about this essay?
It shows the history leading up to how music became so important to the author.
2. How
interesting is the introduction? Does it make you want to continue to read the
paper? Why or why not?
The intro was stated in the first two sentences. Then the author rolled right into the story in the first paragraph. The point where he mentioned teaching himself how to play the guitar sparks the readers interest and leaves you wanting to know what else he has accomplished, and why music is such an important part of his life.
3.
What is the thesis statement? Does the author need to make the thesis
clearer?"
Sentence that sums up the main idea of the essay: " I can't remember when music wasn't a part of my life"
4.
Where in the essay could the author better develop his/her ideas by using
examples, comparison-contrast, or cause and effect?
Excellent comparison was made" writing music without knowing any theory is like trying to write a story without knowing the alphabet"
5. Is
each paragraph in the essay unified? Or do some of the paragraphs contain
irrelevant sentences or words that need to be omitted?
Instead of " I started becoming friends with" he could have said" I became reacquainted with"
6.
What paragraphs in the draft, if any, do not support the thesis and need to be
omitted?
All paragraphs written seemed relevant
7. Is
there a place in the essay where the writing confused you? How can the author
better clarify his/her thoughts?
The first paragraph could have been a more general introduction about the essay content, and the second paragraph should then have proceeded with history of life experiences pertaining to music.
8. How
clear is the purpose of the essay? How well has the author met the needs of
his/her audience?
The
purpose of the essay is clear, as his passion for music is expressed.
9. How
effective is the ending? Is the essay ended in such a way that you know it is
the end?
The conclusion of the essay is clear as he summarized why he is passionate about music.
10.
What did the author do extremely well?
He reviewed from the beginning point, to currently, of how and why music became an important part of his life.
11.
What could the author do better next time?
Introduction
should be more general, and then flow into the explanations in the second
paragraph.
12. Has the author made all the arguments for this assignment?
The authors Passion for music, and descriptive history of, have been thoroughly expressed in this assignment.